My Life.

idk this looks cool

“ im not a fan of make believe cuz make believes not true and i know theres nothing realer than each and every moment spent with you.

this weeeekenddddd

has been perdy fuckin sweet! birthday friday, halloween saturday, senior liscense, mad money, a new hat, candy for the non existant trick or treaters at my house and then monday was a joke, no school today… it was just pretty beast oh yeah and ihop! =] soooo goooooddd. and i saw kristin like errrrr dayyyy. that was nice =]. love that girllll. i find it funny that we’re invited to a sweet 16 on the same day as a sweet16 that we met last year at. thats kinda ironic =]. ummmm oh yeah and i actually have a talent in drifting, tylers better, but i mean cuz he doesnt care about his car and i mean… mines huge (no homo). i wrote kristin a song toooo. i was so nervous to give it to her, but its actually kinda beast. i put the jonas brothers to shame… and justin beiber, dont get me started on them. ummm, idk what else to say other than the past few days were excelente. \aha i feel dumb cuz i feel like nobody reads this anyway =p. thats why i prolly dont come on here a lot but idk, its nice to see your thoughts organized down so you can see how dumb you really are =p.

aha im such a loser

god! first serious writing in a while

so im kinda fuckin bored and one of the things ive been thinking about is god. is there a god? is there a devil? is there a difference between right and wrong? is jesus really your niglet?? to be honest i dont believe in a religion. like i dont see how so many people are 100% certain that their way is right when theres so many flaws and oppossing ideas. like jesus turned water into wine, but its a sin to get crunk!? wtf?? yo i wana party in the usa! gimme a beer. the greeks said that gods were all different and had different domains, okay reasonable to believe and then they explain something for why there is a mythical monster and said a lady fucked a bull… convenient. people across the world cut off americans heads to their god and claim that we’re monsters. wtf is up your towel homeboy? the jews believe that mr. moses unleashed 7 plagues that completely destroyed a kingdom and set freedom for his people. and then he split the red sea in half like paris hiltons legs… thats kinda hard? not the paris thing… the ocean. so as you can see im quite stuck in this prediciment. the thing is i do believe in god. i have to believe in god. theres a thing about hope that no matter how much shit you go through in your life, that theres that small chance of happyness and thats what keeps people going. there has been so many times where i have been hurt and still do the right thing and eventually come out okay. do you know what we are? we are human… on one planet… in one solar system with one star. there are millions of galaxies and each galaxy consists of 4 million stars. we are one planet of one star. there has to be life out there! and humans have only been around for way less than 1 percent our planet has been alive. theres gotta other kids up in this bitch called universe! how do we explain ghosts too? like how is it that theyre are spirits walking around and haunting things when theoretically, we’re all just meant to die. i think god is behind miracles, but also behind disasters. everything cant go well in the world. sometimes we all need a reality check to find out whats best for us and also learn from it. i believe in karma more than i do a religion. i think good things come to good people and bad things come to bad people. there has just been a lot of things in my life that lead me to believe that. that is also something that almost every religion perspects in their own way. part of me really wants to know what god is, but sometimes ithink and maybe we’re not suppossed to know… maybe the truth is too much to handle. what if we find him a dissapointment? i think that we are suppossed to wonder about him and pick our own beliefs. everyone is born a different way and has something new to bring to the table. that means they have the right to their own opinion and their beliefs. i dont like that a family forces their religion on someone either cuz it contradicts the religion entirely. like you talk about how special a life is and then you force them to believe and devote theirs to way you want it. you should let them decide for themselves. my decision, is that god is symbol to live by and have hope to. hes just that something that can get you through the day and is always there to talk to. hes that something that no matter what you’ve done wrong, he will always forgive and judge you for you. he can see past your problems and help you out. he’s almost like an imaginary friend for kids. is something that isnt fully there, but at the same time you believe is and dont care. in a way, god is like the bestfriend everyone has. who knows, maybe theres a god in all of us. i mean venus razors says theirs a godess in ever women… a lil controversial but whatever it works. for all i know there are hundreds of a gods in people. maybe there is a god of every religion and they live like a family. who the fuck knows! god only (no pun intended). all i know is that we’ll probably never know until our ashes past and turn to dust, but thats something im perfectly okay with.

9/ 7/ 09

Kristin Nolan <333. the first of many tomorrow. =]

im sorry im a dick, i know i am. i just want you to be happy and not hate me

i fear that i might be gone before tonight, before the sun’s rays hits your eyes, yet inspite of all the words you said you meant, your conciense runs like wet cement as you wish to take back your last wish and upon good dreams there are nightmares. the darkest side of everynight will come sieze even the best of men. theres no much more for me to embed into your head from what lies deep beneath in me. the lines are cute, the slits are frayed which burning these minutes into an ever longing day. as the burn of desire haunts whats left in your heart, i will gracefully hope its the start of something new. the start of something fresh for everyone needs room to think and grow, beauty is on top, but the roots search below to wear its impossible to see for all, to where the true beauty comes from, is what is intent for us to forget. deep inside we find ourselves inside we see whats real. upon shattered dreams comes whats needed to appeal. for may our lives never is when we become experienced. our tears upon this window wont stain forever more. in the span of a life, there are many days to endure. upon or position new stars are found. to claim and rename, to wonder abound.

“ the thing about teenage girls is, that theyre deffinently old enough to make decisions for themselves, but deffinently too young to know what they want.

x

ill tell you how im feeling, but only when i can feel anything at all. im glad the choice is made, i just hope it was the right one.

lyss

i love you. all i wanna do is be with you. i know we fight and argue and i hate that, but you also make me so happy. who else can i test my bad jokes on =p, lay down and talk to with, talk about how short i am =p, and just be close with? at first when i told my dad he freaked out. he threatened to take the car away, he took my phone, and started screaming at me. he didnt want me to do that, but going in the car to jersey, we talked and he started leaning towards the idea of me seeing you and giving you one more shot. he tells me that youre too young to truely understand what you want because nobody does when theyre young. i wanted to be a power ranger =p. i really wanna talk to you. youre so amazing lyss. people tell me that if i get hurt move on, but moving on would hurt me more because id always wonder. id always be like, what would’ve happened if i had one more shot. there are so many things to love about you. i was thinking about it driving home. i could start with anything simple from your silky hair, or crystal clear, but somehow still brown eyes to something like how strong you are and how youre still an amazing person even though all you have been is walked on. i dont want you to feel pain and thats why it hurts me more sometimes because i never ever ever ever want you to feel any sort of displesure. i know its impossible, but i can try. its something you taught me. you taught me to never give up and just keep rolling with what life gives you, but to also stay true to yourself and your dreams. and my biggest dream out of everything there is in this whole world, is love. and thats something im not about to give up on. im not gunna roll over on that. my parents are kinda starting to think about it since i talked to them a few hours ago. i have almost 9 days to pursuade them. i think i can do it baby. ive always waited for you, because you were worth waiting for. its kinda like a bunch of trains going by. the one you want always seems like forever. you could go to any city and hop on any shorter train, but i know what i want. i know what would give me the best ride in life. (not like that pervs) but i know youre worth waiting for. im sorry for everything ive done and all the little problems about me. i can always control my emotions, i could always grow, i can always lift weights and get bigger and stronger, but one thing i know i cant do over in life, is find another alyssa rae winterberg. thats why i wanna fix my mistakes and stay with you. its not that im changing myself, but improving it for me and us. i guess all im really trying to say is i love you, so lets make this work.